Jekyll and Hyde

Paige has decided lately to really amp things up for us.  She is so sweet, caring, and loving.  Loves to share and do things for others.  And then on a dime, she flips and is explosive.  Her tantrums have increased and have become more violent.  A new thing she does when she gets upset is to dump something, You don't know what will tip her off, it could be the most minor thing.  But if something sets her off and she no longer feels in control, she will find the nearest thing and dump it.  We've had broken chairs, dumped garbage, drinks knocked over, food dumped, lotions/soap emptied, dents in walls.  You name it, we've seen it.  Whatever she can get her hands on, she will attempt to destroy it. When carrying her off to try and calm down, she becomes violent and will hit, scratch, and bite.  Seems the more you try to help her calm down, the more upset she gets.  We've had to clear out just about everything in her room so there is nothing for her to throw.

Our regular therapist at the Children's Center is currently out recovering from some emergency surgery, but we were able to meet with her superior.  As much as we love our therapist and can't wait for her return, it was nice to get a new opinion on things.  We explained what we've been seeing lately and I gave him a little background information. I also explained how Paige came to our home at just 8 days old, straight from the hospital.  We finalized her adoption in January 2011 when she was 14mo. old  In March of that same year we had a 1yr old come to our home that we fostered,  and 4 mo later in July, Max was born. In December 2011, the foster boy left our home.  When he first came to our home, he and Paige did not get along - at all.  By the time he left in Dec, they had really grown close. It tore her apart when he left (which in turn tore me apart to see how this loss affected her.)  She went out to the car with him and buckled herself in saying that she was going to leave with him.  She refused to sit in the kitchen seats they both would sit in, many outburst/mood swings, and tantrums.  She stopped eating and drinking and ended up in the ER with dehydration.  As I recalled this event to the therapist, he was rather quick to say that we need to go back with her and get this loss processed. This event stood out to him and connected things for him quickly.  He says that she is not attached and is pushing us everyday, trying her best to make us angry at her, hoping to get us to that breaking point where we say OK, you win, today is the day we send you packing.  She has questioned in the past when is Max leaving and these days says a lot of  "I hate you, I want you to be mad at me, I don't want you to love me, I wanna be sent away" 

It absolutely breaks my heart to see her carry this. She should only have to worry about having fun!  I love this girl more than words can say and just want to pick her up and squeeze her and make it all go away for her.  But it's also very hard to keep your cool with her when she gets upset and starts her rampage through the house.  I don't claim to be the best at this. There are many days I feel like I fail in this area. 

We have another appt set up with this new therapist to get started on understanding all this and helping her process this loss.  I'm so grateful for therapy and help I'm receiving in learning how to better respond to Paige.